Ok, what happened to February! Time is flying by...
Last month I graduated from my 200hr hatha yoga teacher training course. My teacher was Daniella Ambika Cotreau who runs Body Temple Yoga. She is an alignment based practitioner with an emphasis on heart opening. I love her and I am in love with my yoga practice. It has helped me in so many ways. In both my physical body and my state of mind. If you are looking for a tool to help you carve your own path I can't say enough about incorporating a yoga practice.
I decided that a fun and supportive way to practice my teaching skills would be with my friends at our homeschool park day. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing group of parents, mostly women, who are willing to engage in new ideas in such thoughtful ways. What a fantastic group of people I get to practice with, lucky me.
I know most mom's do not have a lot of time on their hands during the day and trying to find time to nourish ourselves is a challenge. Even when you do find yourself with a free 20min. how do you choose what to do!! The busy life of a mom can be pretty overwhelming. I can tell you from experience of an overwhelmed, stressed out, yelling, crying mom that taking time to do a small amount of yoga and meditation has changed my life for the better.
I have made the changes in my life to add that free time to the beginning of my day, but that does not mean you need to do this in the morning. It can happen anytime during the day, just do your best to make a commitment to carving this time for yourself everyday. You deserve it!! 20 minutes to yourself is not too much to ask and all the stuff that isn't getting done...it will wait. So, the first job is for you to explore your day and decide where you can commit to 20min. (after lunch? before dinner? after dinner? before bed? morning?) Find the time.
Once you find the time here is where you start. Start by creating a physical foundation for your well being. The easiest place to start in that process is with your body. The physical foundation of our overactive bodies is our feet. So, lets start by giving our feet some attention. Stand with your feet hip distance apart and just play with your feet on the earth. Give your feet some attention and notice how you stand where does the weight fall. Is it evenly distributed or do you tend to lean back or forward, inward or outward? Just notice and breathe. Then notice your inner thighs and hips, your low belly and pelvic bowl. Just notice how you are standing. Play with tilting your hips and working your inner thighs. See how different positions feel. Just take time to stand with complete attention on your body and your stance, and breathe. Once you have established a connection with your feet and lower body bring your attention to your shoulders, lift them toward the sky and bring your shoulders back and your shoulder blades onto your back. Keep a slight hug between your shoulder blades to keep your chest lifted and open. BREATHE. Keep your chin level with the earth and bring your head over your shoulders so it is supported by your spine and not pulling you forward. BREATHE.
Now you can take that work down to the floor. Find a comfortable seat where you are able to keep your lower belly engaged, your spine elongated, your chest/heart open and your breathing easy and deep. Sit and breathe and just let you mind monkey mind race in mediation for 5 minutes. Focus on your breath. Don't berate yourself...let the thoughts come and go. Change your thoughts to thoughts of love and charity towards others and towards yourself. Let go of the idea you will be sitting in complete quiet and that you will have a 'quiet' mind. It takes decades of practice, so just let go, and be where you are now and breathe.
Just doing this practice for 5/10 minutes is powerful. Connecting with your body, engaging your breath and connecting to the earth is yoga. Use it.
Showing posts with label homeschool. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeschool. Show all posts
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Thursday, January 7, 2016
New Year, new opportunities to learn
So, the fall did start off with less stress than the previous year. I had a better sense of what to expect and how to ease into the process. After her summer school trial my daughter did decide to stay home for school this year. I was very happy with her decision to stay home, but there was the added challenge of creating more room for her learning process on top of meeting my sons special needs. After a month of wiggling and playing around with different timing, curriculum's and approaches we finally settled into a decent routine around mid-October.
I started with just the basics and have continued to focus on those as the main part of my 'teaching' responsibility. I have explained to the children I feel responsible for ensuring they receive a solid foundation in the basics of reading, language, mathematical (logic) thinking, and social emotional ethical spiritual learning. This part of my job is not always 'fun'. I am not the best at coming up with games and playful approaches to learning basic math facts and spelling but they seem to learn despite my dry approach.
We did sign up for a few classes with a local homeschooling group that offers age grouped classes. My son took a lego robotics class and my daughter took and art and a science class. We were 'on campus' for lunch twice a week and we enjoyed being part of the homeschool community. We also have become regulars at one of the local homeschool park days which provides the kids with a full day of free playground play with lots of different children. We love Wednesdays!
Overall I am feeling much more relaxed and happy. I am coming to the end of my year long yoga teacher training course and I feel the practice of yoga (meditation, breathing, chanting, study, and asana) has really helped me find my calm center. It has given me the tools to allow me to sink into the chaos of learning how to 'school' my children. I am learning how to let go of being in control and figuring out how to go with the flow. I am learning how to work through my uncomfortable feelings with grace and ease of mind. I am carving a path to learning with my children and it feels great.
I started with just the basics and have continued to focus on those as the main part of my 'teaching' responsibility. I have explained to the children I feel responsible for ensuring they receive a solid foundation in the basics of reading, language, mathematical (logic) thinking, and social emotional ethical spiritual learning. This part of my job is not always 'fun'. I am not the best at coming up with games and playful approaches to learning basic math facts and spelling but they seem to learn despite my dry approach.
We did sign up for a few classes with a local homeschooling group that offers age grouped classes. My son took a lego robotics class and my daughter took and art and a science class. We were 'on campus' for lunch twice a week and we enjoyed being part of the homeschool community. We also have become regulars at one of the local homeschool park days which provides the kids with a full day of free playground play with lots of different children. We love Wednesdays!
Overall I am feeling much more relaxed and happy. I am coming to the end of my year long yoga teacher training course and I feel the practice of yoga (meditation, breathing, chanting, study, and asana) has really helped me find my calm center. It has given me the tools to allow me to sink into the chaos of learning how to 'school' my children. I am learning how to let go of being in control and figuring out how to go with the flow. I am learning how to work through my uncomfortable feelings with grace and ease of mind. I am carving a path to learning with my children and it feels great.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Freedom to choose
On Sunday night my daughter announced to me that she wants to go to school. She has made this statement off and on throughout the year. I have always maintained that my children should have the choice when it comes to public school. I imagine I could convince her to stay home, but I feel in the long run she would hit a point where she would resent my not giving her the choice. She is certainly different from her brother. She is much more socially extraverted and really feeds off of being around a crowd of people. She loved her 3 year old preschool class and has a positive association with school. So, I signed her up for the academic 1st grade prep summer school.
As I clicked the payment button my heart caught in my throat. How was I feeling? I couldn't put my finger on any one emotion. I was a tornado of emotions. My goal is for my kids to love learning and to find their interest naturally by exploring and asking questions. How can I deny this reasonable request to try out a different way of going to school? Yet I fear her wanting to be there so badly she will sacrifice parts of herself to 'fit in'. I fear she is bright enough to know how to do enough to get by and desires attention enough to spend more energy on getting people to like her than to using her brain. I fear her emphasis on 'social learning', and it makes my heart race and ache.
I have talked to so many bright women who feel they stopped using their brains at a pretty early age. That is not to say their brains don't work, they just stopped getting exercise. The work presented was moderately challenging, but didn't really require full attention. But, the social scene that requires full presence. It is fun and exciting. It is a game and trying to figure out all the rules and how to play by them and break them successfully is fascinating. I was very good at that game, but I really regret that I stopped using my brain. I fear watching my daughter make my mistakes.
But, I guess that is what parenting is all about. I will have the opportunity to help her. I can provide some observations, support, and encouragement to stay true to herself. I can find ways to challenge her to really think. I can help her remember the person she is today and to know that person, that true self, is enough. She is bright, and funny, and sensitive, and caring and those qualities will remain no matter where she goes to school. I have to trust her and I have to trust myself.
As I clicked the payment button my heart caught in my throat. How was I feeling? I couldn't put my finger on any one emotion. I was a tornado of emotions. My goal is for my kids to love learning and to find their interest naturally by exploring and asking questions. How can I deny this reasonable request to try out a different way of going to school? Yet I fear her wanting to be there so badly she will sacrifice parts of herself to 'fit in'. I fear she is bright enough to know how to do enough to get by and desires attention enough to spend more energy on getting people to like her than to using her brain. I fear her emphasis on 'social learning', and it makes my heart race and ache.
I have talked to so many bright women who feel they stopped using their brains at a pretty early age. That is not to say their brains don't work, they just stopped getting exercise. The work presented was moderately challenging, but didn't really require full attention. But, the social scene that requires full presence. It is fun and exciting. It is a game and trying to figure out all the rules and how to play by them and break them successfully is fascinating. I was very good at that game, but I really regret that I stopped using my brain. I fear watching my daughter make my mistakes.
But, I guess that is what parenting is all about. I will have the opportunity to help her. I can provide some observations, support, and encouragement to stay true to herself. I can find ways to challenge her to really think. I can help her remember the person she is today and to know that person, that true self, is enough. She is bright, and funny, and sensitive, and caring and those qualities will remain no matter where she goes to school. I have to trust her and I have to trust myself.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Two roads diverged...
Today on our morning walk around the block we ran into a neighbor mom and her 3 year old son. She was curious about the kids being with me and I explained we homeschool our children. She commented that it must be a lot of work. I agreed but said I imagine she does more work being a full time working mom. She did agree to that point, but also felt it must take a lot of courage to take the leap removing our kids from the social norm. I replied that it was a tough choice but we have decided to see it as a lifestyle choice. We gave up some aspects of conventional life to gain other advantages in our non-conventional life.
A lifestyle choice. All our life we are faced with these types of decisions. Some seem much bigger than others, but at the end of the day they are our decisions. It is our life to live. We chose to remove our child from the system because the benefits did not outweigh the negatives. Anyone who has faced a system that is failing them will understand the joy of having a choice to continue on the same path or change course. We were fortunate to have the means to chose to change course. It takes courage sure, but all of life's big decisions take courage and commitment. Taking kids to school and trusting the system to meet your child's needs in the best way possible takes as much courage and commitment as deciding to homeschool.
The decision to homeschool often reminds me of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken".
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Hopefully we are able to enjoy whatever road we choose!
Blessings on your journey.
Shauna
A lifestyle choice. All our life we are faced with these types of decisions. Some seem much bigger than others, but at the end of the day they are our decisions. It is our life to live. We chose to remove our child from the system because the benefits did not outweigh the negatives. Anyone who has faced a system that is failing them will understand the joy of having a choice to continue on the same path or change course. We were fortunate to have the means to chose to change course. It takes courage sure, but all of life's big decisions take courage and commitment. Taking kids to school and trusting the system to meet your child's needs in the best way possible takes as much courage and commitment as deciding to homeschool.
The decision to homeschool often reminds me of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken".
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Hopefully we are able to enjoy whatever road we choose!
Blessings on your journey.
Shauna
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Unfolding the Self
I started my year long adventure of yoga teacher training the other weekend. I fell in love with the physical practice of yoga at the YMCA a few years ago. When my hunger grew larger than what the YMCA had to offer I was lucky to find a great studio in my neighborhood offering a wide variety of classes and quality teachers. After a year of attending classes with one teacher I decided I was ready to absorb the teacher training.
I always knew I had poor posture and it was one of the reasons I was so interested in yoga. I had these visions of myself walking around at 80 slumped over caving in on myself and not able to fully lift my head. I didn't like that picture of myself at 80 and I started creating a new vision of myself at that age. My vision included great posture and a smiling generous heart. So this teacher and her philosophy were/are a great fit for my future self. The practice with my particular teacher is very heart centered and deeply alignment based. The physical practice revolves around pulling into your midline strength so you can open your chest and breathe. Good posture also allows good breathing.
So, what in the world does all of THIS have to do with homeschooling you may ask???? Well, I have found the experience of homeschooling very mentally exhausting. I have so many questions and theories and fears around education. How will I know if I am doing it right? How do I ensure I am giving my kids the best education? The education they deserve? The education they are capable of? Am I giving them challenge? Am I giving them too much? Should this be 'fun'? Do I need to be 'fun'? Should we 'learn' something everyday? How much evidence do we need to provide that we are 'learning' and what evidence is truly reflective of our process?
It is a nightmare inducing thought thread that had me tied up in knots, literally. On top of all the emotional scars and baggage from my past here I am trying to figure out my present and focus on the future all at the same time. Yikes. Recipe for disaster is what that looks like. So the practice of yoga is all about BE HERE NOW. It took a year of breathing and consciously letting go of the past and the future to finally be able to take a look at what is in front of me RIGHT NOW. I am starting to feel the weight lifting off my back. I am starting to feel my shoulders turn up and my heart opening. I am starting to feel the possibility of engaging in my present moment without holding so tightly to the past and being so fearful of the future. It feels amazing!
I can't say that I have homeschooling figured out. What I have learned is like all of life it is a process. You have to start somewhere and you have to realize that where you start may look nothing like where you will end up. I have learned to forgive myself for being such a bad teacher and to recognize I am a great parent. I have learned that by letting go of my fears I am starting to feel my heart again and I can feel the depth which I am engaging with my kids. I can feel that this is just the beginning and that our time together will deepen and expand. I have realized by being my true self with my kids I am giving them the greatest gift they will know and it feels awesome.
I always knew I had poor posture and it was one of the reasons I was so interested in yoga. I had these visions of myself walking around at 80 slumped over caving in on myself and not able to fully lift my head. I didn't like that picture of myself at 80 and I started creating a new vision of myself at that age. My vision included great posture and a smiling generous heart. So this teacher and her philosophy were/are a great fit for my future self. The practice with my particular teacher is very heart centered and deeply alignment based. The physical practice revolves around pulling into your midline strength so you can open your chest and breathe. Good posture also allows good breathing.
So, what in the world does all of THIS have to do with homeschooling you may ask???? Well, I have found the experience of homeschooling very mentally exhausting. I have so many questions and theories and fears around education. How will I know if I am doing it right? How do I ensure I am giving my kids the best education? The education they deserve? The education they are capable of? Am I giving them challenge? Am I giving them too much? Should this be 'fun'? Do I need to be 'fun'? Should we 'learn' something everyday? How much evidence do we need to provide that we are 'learning' and what evidence is truly reflective of our process?
It is a nightmare inducing thought thread that had me tied up in knots, literally. On top of all the emotional scars and baggage from my past here I am trying to figure out my present and focus on the future all at the same time. Yikes. Recipe for disaster is what that looks like. So the practice of yoga is all about BE HERE NOW. It took a year of breathing and consciously letting go of the past and the future to finally be able to take a look at what is in front of me RIGHT NOW. I am starting to feel the weight lifting off my back. I am starting to feel my shoulders turn up and my heart opening. I am starting to feel the possibility of engaging in my present moment without holding so tightly to the past and being so fearful of the future. It feels amazing!
I can't say that I have homeschooling figured out. What I have learned is like all of life it is a process. You have to start somewhere and you have to realize that where you start may look nothing like where you will end up. I have learned to forgive myself for being such a bad teacher and to recognize I am a great parent. I have learned that by letting go of my fears I am starting to feel my heart again and I can feel the depth which I am engaging with my kids. I can feel that this is just the beginning and that our time together will deepen and expand. I have realized by being my true self with my kids I am giving them the greatest gift they will know and it feels awesome.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Balance
The hardest poses for me to do in yoga are those requiring a lot of balance. I have strength and my flexibility is pretty good but balance, not so much. It is so interesting how the struggles we have with our bodies often mimic the struggles we have with our mind/self. There are so many directions to go at one time, so many things to be done, to do, to explore how do I know what to do next?! I feel pulled one way then I change my mind and go another. Unbalance.
If you have not tried yoga before I think you will be amazed at trying this simple exercise. Stand up with your hands at your sides take a strong stance but soft and close your eyes. If you can, great, next just take a moment to feel your motion your gentle sway. The next challenge is to try and do it on your toes, then standing with one leg lifted. For me these exercises take a lot of focus. The key to success in these posses is to let go and center in on the core of your being. Balance does take flexibility and strength, but it must be used gently to balance your core. Then you will feel the solid sense of all three powers coming together and you will be like the trees who can stand tall and balanced on this earth, whose roots are firmly planted in the earth, whose branches reach for the sky, and are able to sway with the breeze while remaining strong and rooted in place. I love trees.
Of course I find all of this a metaphor for my journey in home schooling. I feel like I have been in a storm and my roots were not quite deep enough. Luckily there have been enough calm periods between the storms to give my roots a chance to deepen and hold me standing strong. I have not toppled. I am becoming more balanced and my roots are getting deeper. I can see how this journey can work without seeing every stop along the way. I am trusting my roots, my strength and my core to provide the balance my kids need in their education.
If you have not tried yoga before I think you will be amazed at trying this simple exercise. Stand up with your hands at your sides take a strong stance but soft and close your eyes. If you can, great, next just take a moment to feel your motion your gentle sway. The next challenge is to try and do it on your toes, then standing with one leg lifted. For me these exercises take a lot of focus. The key to success in these posses is to let go and center in on the core of your being. Balance does take flexibility and strength, but it must be used gently to balance your core. Then you will feel the solid sense of all three powers coming together and you will be like the trees who can stand tall and balanced on this earth, whose roots are firmly planted in the earth, whose branches reach for the sky, and are able to sway with the breeze while remaining strong and rooted in place. I love trees.
Of course I find all of this a metaphor for my journey in home schooling. I feel like I have been in a storm and my roots were not quite deep enough. Luckily there have been enough calm periods between the storms to give my roots a chance to deepen and hold me standing strong. I have not toppled. I am becoming more balanced and my roots are getting deeper. I can see how this journey can work without seeing every stop along the way. I am trusting my roots, my strength and my core to provide the balance my kids need in their education.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Trying too hard
Yesterday at my son's eye therapy appointment I had a discussion with the therapist about my son not wanting to wear his glasses. She explained to me that the glasses are meant to help him relax some of his eye muscles. When he is reading he is relying on a set of strong muscles he already has developed to do all of the reading work. The glasses give those overworked muscles a break. The trick is it takes time to get the eyes to stop working so hard and relax so the glasses can do the work. Wow.
I walked away on the verge of tears, as usual being highly emotional, and realized that could have been a description of my parenting. I feel so bound up and tight in my approach to teaching these amazing kids. I feel like I am working hard, maybe too hard. Everyday I am trying to find a way to 'teach' them. What have we accomplished today? What are we learning with this activity? How can I document this or blog about it in a way that will help me feel successful. My mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles are working so hard to be 'successful' that I can't seem to relax enough to let the other parts of me (creative, easy going, light hearted, humorist) take over and just enjoy the journey.
Recently I discovered the joy of yoga. I am pursuing it with passion. I love it. I think the parallel of trying to relax my muscles and trying to relax my mind are exactly what I need. It helps me consider the possibility of letting go, of balance, of play, of relaxing into the moment and then letting it go.
This journey I am on as a homeschool mom has opened so many places inside of me. I realize I have some trauma from my own schooling and childhood that I am processing. It is challenging to separate my past with our present. Yoga is helping me open my heart and begin to see the journey in front of me not the path behind me. I am starting to trust myself. I am beginning to heal the wounds and let myself believe in all the good that can come.
Until then I will be sharing our stories of struggle and uncertainty. Although I feel hopeful I don't feel anywhere near successful. I am so grateful for the wonderful homeschool and gifted communities for the support and stories of families on similar journeys. I know I am not alone and I know in time we will find our rhythm. If you are out there feeling the struggle and slight hopelessness I hope you will find some comfort knowing you are not alone. I do believe this is only going to get better!!
Blessings,
Shauna
I walked away on the verge of tears, as usual being highly emotional, and realized that could have been a description of my parenting. I feel so bound up and tight in my approach to teaching these amazing kids. I feel like I am working hard, maybe too hard. Everyday I am trying to find a way to 'teach' them. What have we accomplished today? What are we learning with this activity? How can I document this or blog about it in a way that will help me feel successful. My mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles are working so hard to be 'successful' that I can't seem to relax enough to let the other parts of me (creative, easy going, light hearted, humorist) take over and just enjoy the journey.
Recently I discovered the joy of yoga. I am pursuing it with passion. I love it. I think the parallel of trying to relax my muscles and trying to relax my mind are exactly what I need. It helps me consider the possibility of letting go, of balance, of play, of relaxing into the moment and then letting it go.
This journey I am on as a homeschool mom has opened so many places inside of me. I realize I have some trauma from my own schooling and childhood that I am processing. It is challenging to separate my past with our present. Yoga is helping me open my heart and begin to see the journey in front of me not the path behind me. I am starting to trust myself. I am beginning to heal the wounds and let myself believe in all the good that can come.
Until then I will be sharing our stories of struggle and uncertainty. Although I feel hopeful I don't feel anywhere near successful. I am so grateful for the wonderful homeschool and gifted communities for the support and stories of families on similar journeys. I know I am not alone and I know in time we will find our rhythm. If you are out there feeling the struggle and slight hopelessness I hope you will find some comfort knowing you are not alone. I do believe this is only going to get better!!
Blessings,
Shauna
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
An 'ah ha' Moment
We have been engaged in this homeschooling adventure for about a year now. Having a MS in Education makes the homeschooling journey an exciting opportunity to explore my educational philosophy. I spend a lot of time thinking about what kind of education I want for our children and why. We decided to commit to three years of homeschooling as our introductory phase. It seemed to me it would be hard to get a real feeling for what homeschooling can be in one year. That has proved to be the case. At the two year mark I feel we are just getting started.
I spent the first year following a pretty strict and concise curriculum for my 1st grade boy. It involved a lot of me doing what teachers do, giving him things to learn. He was a good student and we made it through the year, but we were both relieved to make it to summer. Starting 2nd grade I had a lot of anxiety planning the curriculum. I knew another year of the same curriculum was going to bring us to tears. I made a few changes but stuck with a pretty traditional classic curriculum. We went slower but during the first month we were already having multiple outbursts and lots of tears. I had always felt there was some part of my son I didn't quite understand and this past month made it clear I needed help if we were to continue homeschooling.
After much discussion we decided to have our son tested. He was doing great in many areas but there were some issues with emotional outbursts, sensitivities, and writing that just didn't make sense. After a lot of research I started to suspect he might be both gifted and a stealth dyslexic. The testing was to confirm those suspicions and it did. We learned we have a highly gifted boy with both CAPD *central auditory processing disorder* and several markers of dyslexia. This was a big Ahhh Haaaa moment for me. There were so many questions answered with these testing results.
From the outside Leo had 20/20 vision and his hearing tests reveal he has perfect hearing. It is the underlying developmental tests that uncovered the processing issues he was having in both of those areas. In the world of the gifted he is labeled 2e *twice exceptional*. As a child in the public school system it is quite likely he would never have been identified with any of these very substantial learning differences. As his mother I knew we were missing something and I trusted my gut. I only wonder how many other kids out there are going left misunderstood and lacking the educational experience and support they deserve.
So here we are mid year second grade and I realize that the curriculum I have been providing is just a bit off the mark. It makes sense that he would not be engaged or interested in the level of work I am providing for him and also why some of the tasks that seem like they should be so easy are really actually very challenging for him. It also answered the questions about why he hates to join new groups (hearing in groups is very challenging) and also why he hates phonics and writing anything.
The testing process has totally reshaped my preconceived approach for educating my children. With a new lens I am reshaping my educational philosophy to fit my children. I only wish we could do the same for every child in the education system.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Perspective
I grew up in the midwest surrounded by wide open spaces and very few people. I now live in Silicon Valley and I am surrounded by people and very little wide open space. I love where I live. It is full of amazing people, opportunities, energy, history, science, nature... It truly is an amazing place to live. But, there is a large part of my heart that longs for the open spaces and for my 'home'.
It was on this emotional note last year that I found myself cashing out an IRA so I could buy land back home. Every year around January I start looking and fantasizing about going home. Last year I decided to pull the trigger. I noticed a small parcel of land that was attached to a community that I love. I decided I had to have it. I grew up hearing stories of my dad saying..."I could have bought that land, If I had only known how much it would worth today!!" So against all sound logic and financial advice I chose to take out a large portion of my IRA and buy that piece of land. I assured my husband that I had taken out enough to cover the fee and extra taxes.
Fast forward to yesterday and me doing our taxes for 2014. Well, it turns out that my estimation of how much that little piece of land costs has gone up considerably. Apparently when you decide to go against the advice of the people who are invested in you keeping your money in their system you will need to pay dearly for it. I digress. When my husband came home yesterday he found me in tears having realize we are not going to get the tax refund I thought we were going to get (which we really need at this point) we are also going to owe money (and not just a little). I felt like such an idiot and I felt guilty and scared and lightheaded...
Luckily for me I married an amazing man. He held me in his arms and reassured me that it would all be ok and we would figure it out. Then he pulled a letter out of his pocket that he had printed from work. One of his workmates had sent a letter thanking his coworkers for all of their support during the previous 7 months. You see his wife had a stroke and was left incapacitated. He had to make some really tough decisions about her life without the support and consultation of his best friend, his wife. He had to support her and his young children while keeping up with the daily annoyances of life like paying bills, cleaning, grocery shopping, and homework. His wife cannot speak or move. He had to feed her, clean her, and make all the decisions surrounding her care. During this time his power got shut off, his car got run into, and his bank account was hacked. Life gave him a full court press.
Of course reading this letter made the tear fall even harder, but it did make me realize the smallness of my perceived 'problem'. It didn't take away my shame and embarrassment or frustration for my own mistakes, but it sure did help put them in perspective. Money problems are in most cases quite solvable. There are solutions and they may seem insurmountable, but really nothing compared to not being able to move.
Today my money problems seem pretty small. I still cringe thinking about it, but at the same time I have my piece of land at home and I do love it. I live in an amazing place and I can go out and enjoy it anytime I want. I realize my opportunity to live my life today and I promise myself I will not get bogged down in self pity, but look up and shine forth with perspective.
I hope you have a good day filled with perspective.
Shauna
It was on this emotional note last year that I found myself cashing out an IRA so I could buy land back home. Every year around January I start looking and fantasizing about going home. Last year I decided to pull the trigger. I noticed a small parcel of land that was attached to a community that I love. I decided I had to have it. I grew up hearing stories of my dad saying..."I could have bought that land, If I had only known how much it would worth today!!" So against all sound logic and financial advice I chose to take out a large portion of my IRA and buy that piece of land. I assured my husband that I had taken out enough to cover the fee and extra taxes.
Fast forward to yesterday and me doing our taxes for 2014. Well, it turns out that my estimation of how much that little piece of land costs has gone up considerably. Apparently when you decide to go against the advice of the people who are invested in you keeping your money in their system you will need to pay dearly for it. I digress. When my husband came home yesterday he found me in tears having realize we are not going to get the tax refund I thought we were going to get (which we really need at this point) we are also going to owe money (and not just a little). I felt like such an idiot and I felt guilty and scared and lightheaded...
Luckily for me I married an amazing man. He held me in his arms and reassured me that it would all be ok and we would figure it out. Then he pulled a letter out of his pocket that he had printed from work. One of his workmates had sent a letter thanking his coworkers for all of their support during the previous 7 months. You see his wife had a stroke and was left incapacitated. He had to make some really tough decisions about her life without the support and consultation of his best friend, his wife. He had to support her and his young children while keeping up with the daily annoyances of life like paying bills, cleaning, grocery shopping, and homework. His wife cannot speak or move. He had to feed her, clean her, and make all the decisions surrounding her care. During this time his power got shut off, his car got run into, and his bank account was hacked. Life gave him a full court press.
Of course reading this letter made the tear fall even harder, but it did make me realize the smallness of my perceived 'problem'. It didn't take away my shame and embarrassment or frustration for my own mistakes, but it sure did help put them in perspective. Money problems are in most cases quite solvable. There are solutions and they may seem insurmountable, but really nothing compared to not being able to move.
Today my money problems seem pretty small. I still cringe thinking about it, but at the same time I have my piece of land at home and I do love it. I live in an amazing place and I can go out and enjoy it anytime I want. I realize my opportunity to live my life today and I promise myself I will not get bogged down in self pity, but look up and shine forth with perspective.
I hope you have a good day filled with perspective.
Shauna
Thursday, November 20, 2014
The Challenge of Presence
*This was a post I started in September and didn't finish until today.*
Parenting is tough. For those of you who are parents this is an obvious statement, but to those who are not parents I do not think there is any way to convey the depth of this statement. I did not come to be a parent with my eyes closed to this reality. I was a nanny for several years before becoming a parent and I had a pretty good idea that parenting meant giving up a rather large portion of your life and freedom. It also appeared to me that to do the very best for your children you were going to need to do a bit more than provide a home, healthy eating choices, and a good school. Kids require your presence, not just your physical presence, but the kind of presence we seek to understand in going to a yoga class. My favorite most intense meditation practice is being fully present as a parent.
But, as many of you know the challenge of being present is the greatest challenge many of us face. And this is not limited to parents. It is our challenge as human beings with incredible minds capable of unfathomable thought, to silence the what if's and should I's and I need to's and just be. It is our challenge to stop looking so far out and ahead, to stop and look in and just observe the light shining around us and through us all the time, even when our eyes are closed in the dark. Our challenge is to stop and be in awe of the expanding universe inside our being. To see ourselves with as much reverence as we see the universe. To see how tiny and at the same time how enormous we are. To be fully present in the moment, in one moment of an infinity of moments.
Today I hope you give your self the gift of a moment of presence. I hope you will stop and close your eyes and breathe in the life surrounding you and be in awe and wonder of your place in this world. I hope you will see the brilliance of your moment in the sun. And I hope the same for me.
Parenting is tough. For those of you who are parents this is an obvious statement, but to those who are not parents I do not think there is any way to convey the depth of this statement. I did not come to be a parent with my eyes closed to this reality. I was a nanny for several years before becoming a parent and I had a pretty good idea that parenting meant giving up a rather large portion of your life and freedom. It also appeared to me that to do the very best for your children you were going to need to do a bit more than provide a home, healthy eating choices, and a good school. Kids require your presence, not just your physical presence, but the kind of presence we seek to understand in going to a yoga class. My favorite most intense meditation practice is being fully present as a parent.
But, as many of you know the challenge of being present is the greatest challenge many of us face. And this is not limited to parents. It is our challenge as human beings with incredible minds capable of unfathomable thought, to silence the what if's and should I's and I need to's and just be. It is our challenge to stop looking so far out and ahead, to stop and look in and just observe the light shining around us and through us all the time, even when our eyes are closed in the dark. Our challenge is to stop and be in awe of the expanding universe inside our being. To see ourselves with as much reverence as we see the universe. To see how tiny and at the same time how enormous we are. To be fully present in the moment, in one moment of an infinity of moments.
Today I hope you give your self the gift of a moment of presence. I hope you will stop and close your eyes and breathe in the life surrounding you and be in awe and wonder of your place in this world. I hope you will see the brilliance of your moment in the sun. And I hope the same for me.
The Dark Side
The dark time of year. My thought go with the season. The longer I live the more I am able to see the brilliance of the Star Wars saga. As my husband pointed out it is a story ripped from the global pages of antiquity, retold for our times, nevertheless I choose to use it. This time of year is my journey to the dark side
We all journey to find our true self and struggle to find our path and place in this world. It really isn't anything new, but it can be remarkably lonely. Being a jedi is a tough job and sometimes quite isolating. Now am I saying I am a jedi and you are not, no. I am saying we are all jedi in our own universe searching for others like us. We are searching for others who will see our gifts and our purpose and will welcome us to the community to join the fight for good over our perceived evil.
As it goes with Luke I sometimes struggle to find what it is I am fighting against. What is the dark side and is it really as dark as I think? I find myself saying no, the dark side is just another part of ourself and we get to choose how much we let it become a part of our present self. I think often people look for an external fight to focus their energy upon instead of the dark matter inside themselves. I think for many it is less scary to take on the perceived evils of the world verses facing the dark side of themselves. I know that my dark side is pretty scary, much more so than global warming.
I am sure I am not alone in this primal fear of the dark, cold, barren time of year. I feel it is a fear passed down though millennia. A justified fear of surviving the hardest time of year even when food is plentiful, my heater works, and there is a first rate hospital 5 minutes drive from my front door.
But the animal brain is strong and seems to easily take over especially when you are tired, stressed, and a bit distracted from your spiritual core. As we know, even the strongest purest of the jedi will be tested by their dark side. It takes a lot of focus to retain your calm center, to remain a true jedi in your time of fear and uncertainty.
It is this jedi mind that I seek during this dark time and I know I am not alone. Thousands of spiritual centers across our world find a spike in membership during the dark time of year. It is to our spiritual center we turn when our animal brain is truly scared and seeking a place from which to draw strength and light. It is not always easy to find that community of jedi with which you feel comfortable and embraces you for who you are and aligns with your central being. And for me it is this lack of fellow jedi that I am morning. I have not found my community. I have friends. I have support. I have love. But, I lack a sense of community of surrounding myself with a council of familiar minds.
So, like Luke I will leave my warm safe cave and face the universe knowing that the light and strength of my mentors is a part of who I am even when I am feeling dark. I will go forward and seek my fellow jedi. I will lift my head up and let the light shine from my eyes and I will put aside the dark thoughts. I will go forth with the confidence that I am not alone, ever, and there is always someone out there I can turn to who will understand my struggle and will lend and ear, a shoulder, and a hand when I fall.
I hope that if you are reading this and you find yourself fighting the 'good fight' you will know you are not alone and that their are others who feel the way you feel right now. I hope that if you are feeling alone and scared and lost that you know if you need help it is there for you, it is there inside your heart and it can be found in others outside your cave. I hope that you are able to find the light in this dark time of year. "May the force be with you."
We all journey to find our true self and struggle to find our path and place in this world. It really isn't anything new, but it can be remarkably lonely. Being a jedi is a tough job and sometimes quite isolating. Now am I saying I am a jedi and you are not, no. I am saying we are all jedi in our own universe searching for others like us. We are searching for others who will see our gifts and our purpose and will welcome us to the community to join the fight for good over our perceived evil.
As it goes with Luke I sometimes struggle to find what it is I am fighting against. What is the dark side and is it really as dark as I think? I find myself saying no, the dark side is just another part of ourself and we get to choose how much we let it become a part of our present self. I think often people look for an external fight to focus their energy upon instead of the dark matter inside themselves. I think for many it is less scary to take on the perceived evils of the world verses facing the dark side of themselves. I know that my dark side is pretty scary, much more so than global warming.
I am sure I am not alone in this primal fear of the dark, cold, barren time of year. I feel it is a fear passed down though millennia. A justified fear of surviving the hardest time of year even when food is plentiful, my heater works, and there is a first rate hospital 5 minutes drive from my front door.
But the animal brain is strong and seems to easily take over especially when you are tired, stressed, and a bit distracted from your spiritual core. As we know, even the strongest purest of the jedi will be tested by their dark side. It takes a lot of focus to retain your calm center, to remain a true jedi in your time of fear and uncertainty.
It is this jedi mind that I seek during this dark time and I know I am not alone. Thousands of spiritual centers across our world find a spike in membership during the dark time of year. It is to our spiritual center we turn when our animal brain is truly scared and seeking a place from which to draw strength and light. It is not always easy to find that community of jedi with which you feel comfortable and embraces you for who you are and aligns with your central being. And for me it is this lack of fellow jedi that I am morning. I have not found my community. I have friends. I have support. I have love. But, I lack a sense of community of surrounding myself with a council of familiar minds.
So, like Luke I will leave my warm safe cave and face the universe knowing that the light and strength of my mentors is a part of who I am even when I am feeling dark. I will go forward and seek my fellow jedi. I will lift my head up and let the light shine from my eyes and I will put aside the dark thoughts. I will go forth with the confidence that I am not alone, ever, and there is always someone out there I can turn to who will understand my struggle and will lend and ear, a shoulder, and a hand when I fall.
I hope that if you are reading this and you find yourself fighting the 'good fight' you will know you are not alone and that their are others who feel the way you feel right now. I hope that if you are feeling alone and scared and lost that you know if you need help it is there for you, it is there inside your heart and it can be found in others outside your cave. I hope that you are able to find the light in this dark time of year. "May the force be with you."
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
First Day Anxiety
Should a homeschool mom have first day of school anxiety. As a second year homeschool parent I can say that I definitely have anxiety and it drives me crazy. The need to create 'school' plans and have some sort of routine established is deeply engrained. The fear that I will miss some key piece of information or that my children won't be able to pass a standardized test let alone get into a good college haunts me. (2nd grade and Kinder) It is on my back, this was my decision, if my children fail I have failed.
Fear of failure. It has been my friend for so long you would think I would be comfortable telling my friend to kindly f^%$off. The fear of getting it 'right' the first time. The fear that my best isn't good enough. The fear that all my work will be in vain and a wasted effort. The fear that even if I do my very best it will not be enough. Where in the world does this fear of failure come from? I don't have a definitive answer, but a large part of me feels like school helped create this fear.
I was good at school. I really never had a problem getting good grades and I really never had to work at it very hard. This isn't to say I am some sort of genius, just good at following directions. I am a first child in a family with an alcoholic and a perfectionist co-dependent. I am good at picking up signs and figuring out how to keep people happy. I know how to make nice and fly under the radar, but not too far as to be a disappointment. School helped make this easy by providing the recipe for 'success' in the eyes of my parents and the general community. Get good grades, be a 'good' kid and there you go, success.
I went on to attain a masters degree in education. As a teacher I found myself overwhelmed by the number of students who didn't follow the prescription for 'success' and really didn't give two shakes about what I thought they should know or how important is was to get good grades. I was thrown off and took their disregard for an 'education' as my personal failure to reach them. If I would work harder or present the material better I am sure these students would say 'wow, you are right, this Geometry is amazing and I can't wait to learn more and thank you for being such a great teacher'. After two years of 'failure' as a teacher I said forget it and started looking for a new career path. One that involved helping to 'fix' the kids who were struggling so much in my classroom, there must be a way to help them find the motivation for wanting to 'learn'.
Flash forward to my second year teaching my own children. My son who is a bright capable boy with very little enthusiasm for 'school' but a lot of enthusiasm for video games, Legos, tree climbing, sword fighting, wrestling, bike riding, logic puzzles, building and taking apart stuff, and ect... Here I go launching into my 'school year' with 'this is what the schedule looks like'... I sit down to have him read to me and he immediately goes into silent mode. What is wrong with you! Don't you realize how hard this is for me! Don't you know I am doing this for you! Is this what it is going to be like for the next 10 months! Aughhhh.... I hate school.
So, why why why I ask myself am I doing 'school', when I know that they don't need it to be successful. When everything in me says follow your heart, learn by doing and following the passions and enthusiasms of the young. Fail! Fail! and Fail some more!!! Learn to take risks and learn through the greatest teacher of them all FAILURE!!!! For a successful school kid and traditionally trained teacher this is terrifying, exhilarating, and almost beyond my vision. But, it isn't beyond my vision. In my fear and anxiety I feel my heart calling out to trust myself, trust my intuition as an educator, as a lover of children, as a lover of the natural world, as a lover of innovation and all the possibilities that lie undetected because we are afraid to pick up the rocks and see what might be lying underneath.
So yes, a homeschool parent can have anxiety. But anxiety can be a powerful teacher when you start to look at it's roots and dissect the growth pattern. I look forward to this year of school and the challenge of facing my fear of failure. I look forward to my children teaching me how to live more authentically and to following my heart and theirs. I look forward to peeling back the layers of 'success' to find the hidden gems of my being and sharing those passions and visions with my children. My hope for this year is more exploration and less 'production'.
Fear of failure. It has been my friend for so long you would think I would be comfortable telling my friend to kindly f^%$off. The fear of getting it 'right' the first time. The fear that my best isn't good enough. The fear that all my work will be in vain and a wasted effort. The fear that even if I do my very best it will not be enough. Where in the world does this fear of failure come from? I don't have a definitive answer, but a large part of me feels like school helped create this fear.
I was good at school. I really never had a problem getting good grades and I really never had to work at it very hard. This isn't to say I am some sort of genius, just good at following directions. I am a first child in a family with an alcoholic and a perfectionist co-dependent. I am good at picking up signs and figuring out how to keep people happy. I know how to make nice and fly under the radar, but not too far as to be a disappointment. School helped make this easy by providing the recipe for 'success' in the eyes of my parents and the general community. Get good grades, be a 'good' kid and there you go, success.
I went on to attain a masters degree in education. As a teacher I found myself overwhelmed by the number of students who didn't follow the prescription for 'success' and really didn't give two shakes about what I thought they should know or how important is was to get good grades. I was thrown off and took their disregard for an 'education' as my personal failure to reach them. If I would work harder or present the material better I am sure these students would say 'wow, you are right, this Geometry is amazing and I can't wait to learn more and thank you for being such a great teacher'. After two years of 'failure' as a teacher I said forget it and started looking for a new career path. One that involved helping to 'fix' the kids who were struggling so much in my classroom, there must be a way to help them find the motivation for wanting to 'learn'.
Flash forward to my second year teaching my own children. My son who is a bright capable boy with very little enthusiasm for 'school' but a lot of enthusiasm for video games, Legos, tree climbing, sword fighting, wrestling, bike riding, logic puzzles, building and taking apart stuff, and ect... Here I go launching into my 'school year' with 'this is what the schedule looks like'... I sit down to have him read to me and he immediately goes into silent mode. What is wrong with you! Don't you realize how hard this is for me! Don't you know I am doing this for you! Is this what it is going to be like for the next 10 months! Aughhhh.... I hate school.
So, why why why I ask myself am I doing 'school', when I know that they don't need it to be successful. When everything in me says follow your heart, learn by doing and following the passions and enthusiasms of the young. Fail! Fail! and Fail some more!!! Learn to take risks and learn through the greatest teacher of them all FAILURE!!!! For a successful school kid and traditionally trained teacher this is terrifying, exhilarating, and almost beyond my vision. But, it isn't beyond my vision. In my fear and anxiety I feel my heart calling out to trust myself, trust my intuition as an educator, as a lover of children, as a lover of the natural world, as a lover of innovation and all the possibilities that lie undetected because we are afraid to pick up the rocks and see what might be lying underneath.
So yes, a homeschool parent can have anxiety. But anxiety can be a powerful teacher when you start to look at it's roots and dissect the growth pattern. I look forward to this year of school and the challenge of facing my fear of failure. I look forward to my children teaching me how to live more authentically and to following my heart and theirs. I look forward to peeling back the layers of 'success' to find the hidden gems of my being and sharing those passions and visions with my children. My hope for this year is more exploration and less 'production'.
Monday, June 2, 2014
The journey of a thousand miles...leads to homeschool.
Cliche. Yes. This phrase can be uttered for millions of people, and I am one of them.
Ok, I promised myself I wouldn't go back and erase my first sentence 20 times before moving on this morning. So, although I don't think that first line is the 'perfect' opener it will suffice for today.
The journey. When did my journey begin? I guess the real journey begins when you finally make that connection with your other half in utero. I believe my journey began when my two halves became one and this body I embody began to grow and form and become me. That is the real first step.
I was fortunate to be embodied by an amazing woman who cared for me from the early fragile moments of my becoming through the tumultuous fragile stages of my evolving. I was fortunate to have a father who remained conscious of and engaged in the process of nurturing my being and growth. I had the gift of a gentle beginning to my journey filled with love, support, joy, encouragement, failures, and hope. In the beginning of my journey I learned many lessons about walking my own path. For the most part I have stayed true to my inner compass and followed my being, but part of being human is getting lost. Or at least if you are living any kind of authentic life you must have been lost at least once.
For many years you are able to let go of your inner compass and just float along with the current of modern life. The path to success is a pretty paved road. Do well in school, get into a good college, study hard and get a degree, get some experience, get a job and hit repeat for your own family. It is the recipe for a 'successful' journey in todays world. And for the most part it is a good path and leads to a good place, but it is awfully crowded. And it seems in the crowds it is often tough to see the individual to remember that although you are like your peers, you are also uniquely your own self. The crowd can be a tough place to let your uniqueness shine or seep out. The crowd tends to prefer a more uniform appearance. The uniformity of it all is what has set me on edge.
I want more diversity in my outlook. I want more of a mountain wildflower explosion than a planned perfect garden. I want to let go of the need to fit the success model and dive in with the people living an authentic life, unafraid of tomorrow because they are so engrossed in what today has to offer. I want to live with the awareness of a 6 month old. Aware of how my hand moves through space and how the branches of the trees sway and dance with the breeze. I want to wonder at the bird flying and the sounds animals make. I want to live each day basking in the pure joy of discovery.
So, when asked 'Why do you want to home school?' I think the answer has to be I want to live with my children in the pure joy of discovering this world. I want to take the side roads of life. Our path is rough, bumpy, and the direction the road goes is unclear. Do we go here or there? Is that our road? Or is that our road? I want to find our way together. Most likely we will end up in a similar place to most of our peers, but on our journey we will have seen and experienced a lot more together. And for me that is what this journey is about, experiencing the best the world has to offer, together with the people I love most in this world. That is why I homeschool.
Ok, I promised myself I wouldn't go back and erase my first sentence 20 times before moving on this morning. So, although I don't think that first line is the 'perfect' opener it will suffice for today.
The journey. When did my journey begin? I guess the real journey begins when you finally make that connection with your other half in utero. I believe my journey began when my two halves became one and this body I embody began to grow and form and become me. That is the real first step.
I was fortunate to be embodied by an amazing woman who cared for me from the early fragile moments of my becoming through the tumultuous fragile stages of my evolving. I was fortunate to have a father who remained conscious of and engaged in the process of nurturing my being and growth. I had the gift of a gentle beginning to my journey filled with love, support, joy, encouragement, failures, and hope. In the beginning of my journey I learned many lessons about walking my own path. For the most part I have stayed true to my inner compass and followed my being, but part of being human is getting lost. Or at least if you are living any kind of authentic life you must have been lost at least once.
For many years you are able to let go of your inner compass and just float along with the current of modern life. The path to success is a pretty paved road. Do well in school, get into a good college, study hard and get a degree, get some experience, get a job and hit repeat for your own family. It is the recipe for a 'successful' journey in todays world. And for the most part it is a good path and leads to a good place, but it is awfully crowded. And it seems in the crowds it is often tough to see the individual to remember that although you are like your peers, you are also uniquely your own self. The crowd can be a tough place to let your uniqueness shine or seep out. The crowd tends to prefer a more uniform appearance. The uniformity of it all is what has set me on edge.
I want more diversity in my outlook. I want more of a mountain wildflower explosion than a planned perfect garden. I want to let go of the need to fit the success model and dive in with the people living an authentic life, unafraid of tomorrow because they are so engrossed in what today has to offer. I want to live with the awareness of a 6 month old. Aware of how my hand moves through space and how the branches of the trees sway and dance with the breeze. I want to wonder at the bird flying and the sounds animals make. I want to live each day basking in the pure joy of discovery.
So, when asked 'Why do you want to home school?' I think the answer has to be I want to live with my children in the pure joy of discovering this world. I want to take the side roads of life. Our path is rough, bumpy, and the direction the road goes is unclear. Do we go here or there? Is that our road? Or is that our road? I want to find our way together. Most likely we will end up in a similar place to most of our peers, but on our journey we will have seen and experienced a lot more together. And for me that is what this journey is about, experiencing the best the world has to offer, together with the people I love most in this world. That is why I homeschool.
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