Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Trying too hard

Yesterday at my son's eye therapy appointment I had a discussion with the therapist about my son not wanting to wear his glasses. She explained to me that the glasses are meant to help him relax some of his eye muscles. When he is reading he is relying on a set of strong muscles he already has developed to do all of the reading work. The glasses give those overworked muscles a break. The trick is it takes time to get the eyes to stop working so hard and relax so the glasses can do the work. Wow.

I walked away on the verge of tears, as usual being highly emotional, and realized that could have been a description of my parenting. I feel so bound up and tight in my approach to teaching these amazing kids. I feel like I am working hard, maybe too hard. Everyday I am trying to find a way to 'teach' them. What have we accomplished today? What are we learning with this activity? How can I document this or blog about it in a way that will help me feel successful. My mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles are working so hard to be 'successful' that I can't seem to relax enough to let the other parts of me (creative, easy going, light hearted, humorist) take over and just enjoy the journey.

Recently I discovered the joy of yoga. I am pursuing it with passion. I love it. I think the parallel of trying to relax my muscles and trying to relax my mind are exactly what I need. It helps me consider the possibility of letting go, of balance, of play, of relaxing into the moment and then letting it go.
This journey I am on as a homeschool mom has opened so many places inside of me. I realize I have some trauma from my own schooling and childhood that I am processing. It is challenging to separate my past with our present. Yoga is helping me open my heart and begin to see the journey in front of me not the path behind me. I am starting to trust myself. I am beginning to heal the wounds and let myself believe in all the good that can come.

Until then I will be sharing our stories of struggle and uncertainty. Although I feel hopeful I don't feel anywhere near successful. I am so grateful for the wonderful homeschool and gifted communities for the support and stories of families on similar journeys. I know I am not alone and I know in time we will find our rhythm. If you are out there feeling the struggle and slight hopelessness I hope you will find some comfort knowing you are not alone. I do believe this is only going to get better!!


No comments:

Post a Comment

Going to India (3/14/17)

Well the travel adventure has started. I am getting ready to depart for a yoga pilgrimage to India with a group from my favorite yoga studio...