Homeschooling vs 'the real world' a journey to self discovery.

If you are considering homeschooling your children there are likely many good reasons for your thinking. I imagine for every good reason you can think of to homeschool you can also come up with a pretty good list of scary reasons not to homeschool. I am with you. I was pretty scared of homeschooling and I had very little idea what I was getting myself into. But having done it for the past three years I can tell you that most of my fears were unfounded. My fears were basically just excuses to help me stay safe and ensconced in the bubble that I decided to call 'reality'.  So if you are looking for some backup in your reasons to homeschool here are a few of my arguments in favor of homeschooling in rebuttal to common reasons people say they can't homeschool.

1.   School is the 'real world' and we need to get them ready for that.

I would like a definition of 'real world'.  In my view 'reality' is fluid and the container in which you  place 'reality' is the 'real world'.  For some people I guess reality is a job that includes spending a lot of time with only people of your age and often same color,  who have completely different interests and goals, and are all trying to please a manager who has been handed down a list of goals that really have nothing to do with the individual skill sets, interests, or limitations of those in the room.  I know that a majority of Americans think this is just 'the way it is'.  For me this is not 'real' it is a predisposition that has been accepted. In my definition of 'the real world' we follow our interests and skills to provide a necessary service while finding a way to manage a core set of societal requirements. Abundance is not a requirement it is a burden that is self inflicted.  We need just enough. We need to nurture our self and to do so we must carve our own path that is directed by following our hearts desire.  It takes practice and support to find your 'reality' it is scary and often you will fail, but you will never find it if you don't allow yourself to try.  I feel I am empowering my children to carve their own path by providing them with some solid basic fundamental skills and a plethora of learning opportunities. But I think the greatest gift is the opportunity to really get to know their self, how they relate with self, and how they choose to relate their self with this world.

2.  I can't teach my children. 
   
Yes you can.  You don't want to teach your children, which is fine, but not being able to and choosing not to are two very different arguments.  Receiving one on one teaching is infinitely more efficient than group learning when you are talking about basic skill development. Because I am focused on only those two children I can easily spot issues and work them out very efficiently using a curriculum that supports their learning style strengths and weaknesses. (which is what all p.s. teachers would do if they had the time and resources) Learning basic skills does not take much time, just consistent quality practice on a linear(ish) course. In my 'school' we cover math, all language arts, history and science as the core subjects and that takes about 1.5 hours a day. The rest of learning is based on experiences with the real world and luckily for us there is a lot of world out there to explore.  The study of natural world and by this I mean being in the forest and at the beach but also out in the stores and the community at large where 'real life' is happening is some of the richest learning material that money can't buy!!  Learning from the world and then adopting and adapting your skills to match the needs of the world is powerful. You need to master some basic skills and you need to eventually become an expert or at least adept in some skill. That really isn't hard to do. What is hard is choosing what to do and why you want to do it. It is also challenging to determine what you need in return for the work you are willing to do and how much of your 'self' you are willing to part with to achieve those goals.  You can teach your children how to follow their heart and you can support their development of self.  You don't really have to 'teach' them you do need to provide them resources and a bit of structure. You do need to provide them with feedback and arguments as to why you feel certain skills are necessary. You do need to have patience and compassion. You do need to have a sense of curiosity and playfulness. You do have to let go of judgement, fear and control. You can give them the basic tools and show them how they can be used.  They will take those tools and carve their own path...and that is the best teacher of them all.

3. I need time for myself!

Me too. I get up at 5.30 am and I allow my children to sleep until 8am. I get 2.5 hours of time to myself every morning.  Time to do yoga, meditate, drink coffee, write, cruise Facebook and watch stupid videos, pay bills, take a shower, get dressed. ect.... And when the kids get up we do not have any stress, which in my opinion is a major health benefit. There is no yelling no rushing no panic feelings of forgetting something or god forbid, being late.  So that time is also a bit of time that is my own because i am not beholden to another persons schedule. Is this the 'real world'?  For those people who have managed to find a way to work from home and craft their own business, yes. This is the 'real world' for us as my husband completely supports our decision to homeschool and supports me making the executive decisions about how I will run our family.  If you think your husband would never do that for you (or your wife) then it might be time to talk. Being in a committed family relationship means everyone is heard and valued and getting the support and love they need to be happy healthy humans. You have to work out how that is going to happen in your family. It doesn't just happen, you make it happen by asking for what you need and being willing to give back in the same way.

4.   I have to work so I can make a difference and help people. 

Yes, please do. There is time to work and be a 'contributing member of society'  but the idea that you are not helping and contributing to society by raising the healthiest, happiest, most capable children you can while nurturing the relationship that will most likely be one of the longest lasting important relationships of your life seems like a pretty good investment in making a difference and contributing to a better world.  I believe the more health happy balanced people and families we have in the world the better.  I believe we have done a great disservice in devaluing the position of stay at home mom.  It is great if you want to work and do work. If your family is healthy and doing well and you are healthy and happy and doing well then by all means work on!!  But if your working is detrimental to the health of your family then maybe it is time to consider an alternative.  Does that mean it has to be mom staying home. No. In my case the decision is based on a logical mathematical equation. I can earn about 1/2 of what my husband can. Painful truth. Have we had to make some financial adjustments because I am not working. Yes. Have I had to eat some humble pie and realize that I had a prejudgement about 'women who stay home'. Yep. What I realize is I was imposing that opinion on myself. I was judging myself and causing myself misery because I wasn't living up to some precondition for being a 'successful smart' woman and mom of the current era.  Society is a bit warped in this sense. We have fallen for the intellectual trap that says to be seen as a smart, successful, independent woman you will raise a family and work a full time job. We need to 'lean in'. Well, I decided to lean into my family and my self. And that has been the best gift I could give the world. I am not an angry driver. I am not in a hurry. I am not pushing people out of they way so I can be first in line. I am not worried about getting noticed. I do not feel unworthy. In fact I feel so worthy and so valued and so happy I want the whole world to feel the same joy and sense of well being!!  When my leaning into my family creates an abundance of joy then I am contributing. My children will grow up and move out...then I will lean into the greater society and offer my service with the same joy and freedom I feel in homeschooling my children. You being happy makes a difference.

5.  They need to learn how to follow directions, wait in line, and do things they don't like, and to deal with teachers and kids they may not like.

Ok, but do they need to practice those skills upwards of 6 hours a day, 5 days a week? We are involved in homeschool park days, science classes, lego classes, art classes, ect... They have the skill to sit and follow directions. They have opportunity for free play on the playground with lots of different kinds of kids and it has lead to many discussions about how to deal with situations that challenge us. But we have the opportunity to view it as learning and as a choice vs a survival mechanism.  We have an amazing sense of freedom and it makes me so happy to live in a country where that freedom is available. I never ever want to live in a place where the above skills are a requirement for survival. Ever. Does that mean I want to be separate from people? Does that mean I do not think community and joining together as a people is important? Does that mean I don't support group learning or collaborative building opportunities? No. I just think it is more powerful when you enter into such situations with the feeling of having made a conscious and hopefully heartfelt reason for being there. Because when people come together under those circumstances it is pretty amazing what can happen.  In the 'real world' we choose what lines to stand in, what people and causes we invest in, and in general how we want to deal with frustrating situations.
School is not 'the real world'.

Now am I saying that all people should homeschool their children. No. I am posing the above arguments for someone who is in a position to homeschool and chooses not too out of fear.  There are many many good reasons not to homeschool.  But if you are not homeschooling out of fear, then I think you may want to explore that fear a bit further.

I have lots of fears. What I have the good fortune to realize is that my fears are mostly made up arguments to support my current seemingly comfortable way of existing.  Fear is mostly the response to major changes that you may not be able to fully control and really have no clear outcome.

And that is ok, just realize that you are afraid and you are creating an argument to support your fears. And maybe explore those fears....maybe go into that dark place that scares you and find out what is hiding in there.  It might be an interesting journey into self discovery. You may find yourself carving a path to you own happiness.... have fun.

New Year, new opportunities to learn

So, the fall did start off with less stress than the previous year. I had a better sense of what to expect and how to ease into the process. After her summer school trial my daughter did decide to stay home for school this year. I was very happy with her decision to stay home, but there was the added challenge of creating more room for her learning process on top of meeting my sons special needs. After a month of wiggling and playing around with different timing, curriculum's and approaches we finally settled into a decent routine around mid-October.

I started with just the basics and have continued to focus on those as the main part of my 'teaching' responsibility. I have explained to the children I feel responsible for ensuring they receive a solid foundation in the basics of reading, language, mathematical (logic) thinking, and social emotional ethical spiritual learning.  This part of my job is not always 'fun'. I am not the best at coming up with games and playful approaches to learning basic math facts and spelling but they seem to learn despite my dry approach.

We did sign up for a few classes with a local homeschooling group that offers age grouped classes. My son took a lego robotics class and my daughter took and art and a science class. We were 'on campus' for lunch twice a week and we enjoyed being part of the homeschool community.  We also have become regulars at one of the local homeschool park days which provides the kids with a full day of free playground play with lots of different children. We love Wednesdays!

Overall I am feeling much more relaxed and happy. I am coming to the end of my year long yoga teacher training course and I feel the practice of yoga (meditation, breathing, chanting, study, and  asana) has really helped me find my calm center. It has given me the tools to allow me to sink into the chaos of learning how to 'school' my children. I am learning how to let go of being in control and figuring out how to go with the flow. I am learning how to work through my uncomfortable feelings with grace and ease of mind. I am carving a path to learning with my children and it feels great.

Freedom to choose

On Sunday night my daughter announced to me that she wants to go to school. She has made this statement off and on throughout the year. I have always maintained that my children should have the choice when it comes to public school. I imagine I could convince her to stay home, but I feel in the long run she would hit a point where she would resent my not giving her the choice. She is certainly different from her brother. She is much more socially extraverted and really feeds off of being around a crowd of people. She loved her 3 year old preschool class and has a positive association with school. So, I signed her up for the academic 1st grade prep summer school.

As I clicked the payment button my heart caught in my throat. How was I feeling? I couldn't put my finger on any one emotion. I was a tornado of emotions. My goal is for my kids to love  learning and to find their interest naturally by exploring and asking questions. How can I deny this reasonable request to try out a different way of going to school? Yet I fear her wanting to be there so badly she will sacrifice parts of herself to 'fit in'. I fear she is bright enough to know how to do enough to get by and desires attention enough to spend more energy on getting people to like her than to using her brain. I fear her emphasis on 'social learning', and it makes my heart race and ache.

I have talked to so many bright women who feel they stopped using their brains at a pretty early age. That is not to say their brains don't work, they just stopped getting exercise. The work presented was moderately challenging, but didn't really require full attention. But, the social scene that requires full presence. It is fun and exciting. It is a game and trying to figure out all the rules and how to play by them and break them successfully is fascinating. I was very good at that game, but I really regret that I stopped using my brain. I fear watching my daughter make my mistakes.

But, I guess that is what parenting is all about. I will have the opportunity to help her. I can provide some observations, support, and encouragement to stay true to herself. I can find ways to challenge her to really think. I can help her remember the person she is today and to know that person, that true self, is enough. She is bright, and funny, and sensitive, and caring and those qualities will remain no matter where she goes to school. I have to trust her and I have to trust myself.

Intrinsic motivation

One of my major premises for homeschooling is to instill a love of learning. The highest hope is to learn for the sake of learning, because intrinsic learning is fascinating and blissful. Now, not all of life will be about following your bliss. But, you should be given the time and space to follow your bliss because that is your path that is where your deepest learning will happen. How do you learn to follow your bliss if you are following a carrot instead? I think the idea of rewards to lead you in a direction of uninterested learning is confusing. Learning multiplication before it has any inherent use or interest is a waste of time and energy. Why worry so much about manipulating children with rewards to get them to do intellectual work of which they have no interest. Most likely they will not use it, not know how to apply it, or just forget it.

Learning to follow intrinsic motivation or bliss is a powerful teacher. We are doing our kids a great disservice these days to put so much responsibility for 'remembering' and 'executive functioning' at such young ages. Their minds are wondering and wondering about so much. They are taking in the world in great gulps and then little sips. They are not little adults, they are children and they need to develop their minds and learn from doing and experiencing consequences. Their minds should be given permission to roam and explore and make mistakes. They should have room to be irresponsible and make mistakes while we are watching so they can get feedback and learn from mistakes. They should be given encouragement when they fail and role modeling to learn the skills of goal setting and caring for one self, the world and for others.

I am so grateful to be homeschooling. I cannot imagine having to try and stuff my children into the box we call public education. It has gone so far off track. The learning that was so important to the early childhood educator (like sharing, eye hand coordination, singing, dancing, and so many other important developmental games that lead to a complete whole functioning body/brain connection) has gone to the way side for important 'standards' brain based outcomes. The other day my son said 'mom, you know what is wrong with the world? People don't help one another enough.'  I felt like I might not be such a bad teacher after all.


If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Albert Einstein

Deschooling

We are coming to the end of our 'deschooling' semester. After getting my son's testing done in January I came home feeling quite overwhelmed and sure that most everything I had been doing as a teacher was not good for my son.  I didn't feel like I had any energy left to fight the 'curriculum monster' and find a way to cram more information down my son's throat. I pretty much gave up on producing work samples and just went for reading and experiencing life together with my children.
I was going through was the 'deschooling' process.

I have a masters degree in education. I did very well in school. I taught high school mathematics. I have been engrained in the educational system my entire life. It was very hard to see my son through eyes other than those of someone who has relied on the education system to guide my life. I kept referring to the 'list' of skills that should be achieved at his age and the things we need to work on to get him up to speed. Although he is way ahead in many areas I was most concerned with the areas of weakness. I focused on his weakness and tried to get him to 'work' on that weakness.  I kept seeing him through the eyes of the public education system not the eyes of an educator.

It was not working. It was painful. It made him angry and me angry. It made us both want to cry. I had to stop. I had to stop just about everything. We cut 'school' down to about 10min a day.  One page of math (3 problems), maybe one page of handwriting, maybe one vocabulary, or reading and only a couple times a week. We did the bare minimum needed to produce work for our ES. We calmed down. We found time to read together and go hiking and play games and build legos.  We found the calm center of our being together of our enjoyment of one another. This was my deschooling experience and it felt good. I was enjoying being home with my children.

Now it is May. I am looking toward September and wondering if I will be able to maintain this sense of calm and joy when we start up 'school' again. I need more structure. I need to feel like we are making chartable progress. I need some of the reassurances I get from school structure, feedback telling me we are 'on track'. I want to feel my child will have choices when they get to the age they are ready to choose for themselves. Will I be able to create a curriculum that both fills my needs as a parent and the needs of my very different children and their learning styles? Will I rise to the challenge? Can I become a true educator?

I think I can.

Two roads diverged...

Today on our morning walk around the block we ran into a neighbor mom and her 3 year old son. She was curious about the kids being with me and I explained we homeschool our children. She commented that it must be a lot of work. I agreed but said I imagine she does more work being a full time working mom. She did agree to that point, but also felt it must take a lot of courage to take the leap removing our kids from the social norm. I replied that it was a tough choice but we have decided to see it as a lifestyle choice. We gave up some aspects of conventional life to gain other advantages in our non-conventional life.

A lifestyle choice. All our life we are faced with these types of decisions. Some seem much bigger than others, but at the end of the day they are our decisions. It is our life to live. We chose to remove our child from the system because the benefits did not outweigh the negatives. Anyone who has faced a system that is failing them will understand the joy of having a choice to continue on the same path or change course. We were fortunate to have the means to chose to change course. It takes courage sure, but all of life's big decisions take courage and commitment. Taking kids to school and trusting the system to meet your child's needs in the best way possible takes as much courage and commitment as deciding to homeschool.

The decision to homeschool often reminds me of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken".
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both 
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5 

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10 

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15 

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Hopefully we are able to enjoy whatever road we choose!

Blessings on your journey.
Shauna

Unfolding the Self

I started my year long adventure of yoga teacher training the other weekend. I fell in love with the physical practice of yoga at the YMCA a few years ago. When my hunger grew larger than what the YMCA had to offer I was lucky to find a great studio in my neighborhood offering a wide variety of classes and quality teachers. After a year of attending classes with one teacher I decided I was ready to absorb the teacher training.

I always knew I had poor posture and it was one of the reasons I was so interested in yoga. I had these visions of myself walking around at 80 slumped over caving in on myself and not able to fully lift my head. I didn't like that picture of myself at 80 and I started creating a new vision of myself at that age. My vision included great posture and a smiling generous heart. So this teacher and her philosophy were/are a great fit for my future self. The practice with my particular teacher is very heart centered and deeply alignment based. The physical practice revolves around pulling into your midline strength so you can open your chest and  breathe. Good posture also allows good breathing.

So, what in the world does all of THIS have to do with homeschooling you may ask???? Well, I have found the experience of homeschooling very mentally exhausting. I have so many questions and theories and fears around education. How will I know if I am doing it right? How do I ensure I am giving my kids the best education? The education they deserve? The education they are capable of? Am I giving them challenge? Am I giving them too much? Should this be 'fun'? Do I need to be 'fun'? Should we 'learn' something everyday? How much evidence do we need to provide that we are 'learning' and what evidence is truly reflective of our process?

It is a nightmare inducing thought thread that had me tied up in knots, literally. On top of all the emotional scars and baggage from my past here I am trying to figure out my present and focus on the future all at the same time. Yikes. Recipe for disaster is what that looks like.  So the practice of yoga is all about BE HERE NOW.  It took a year of breathing and consciously letting go of the past and the  future to finally be able to take a look at what is in front of me RIGHT NOW.  I am starting to feel the weight lifting off my back. I am starting to feel my shoulders turn up and my heart opening. I am starting to feel the possibility of engaging in my present moment without holding so tightly to the past and being so fearful of the future. It feels amazing!

I can't say that I have homeschooling figured out. What I have learned is like all of life it is a process. You have to start somewhere and you have to realize that where you start may look nothing like where you will end up. I have learned to forgive myself for being such a bad teacher and to recognize I am a great parent. I have learned that by letting go of my fears I am starting to feel my heart again and I can feel the depth which I am engaging with my kids. I can feel that this is just the beginning and that our time together will deepen and expand. I have realized by being my true self with my kids I am giving them the greatest gift they will know and it feels awesome.