Monday, June 9, 2014

The Beginning of the Homeschooling Journey

I started my journey to being an educator back in college. I took all the required classes and did my student teaching and even took a job as a math teacher for a couple of years.  I had very high expectations of myself and my students. I felt I failed them everyday. I worked hard and long hours, but that didn't seem to make me a better teacher or the job any more fun. I felt locked up and depressed. I really didn't like school and it seemed not many people around me liked it either. There were so many unhappy people and so many 'things' that needed fixing. I remember feeling the conversation had gone way off course. The mention of my (our) students and what would be best for them and what might be exciting interesting ways to teach those kids was no where to be heard.

I don't feel like I have been very passionate about learning. As a student I became very good at following directions and getting good grades, but I did not get excited about learning new things. As a teacher I desired to be great, but I lacked passion. I was looking for extrinsic validation of my work. It is tough to be passionate and authentic when you are seeking validation. And it is a hollow and shallow feeling to be validated on a job which you exerted a lot of energy, but no passion.  

As a homeschool mom I struggle with the need for extrinsic validation. What I want to attend to are the voices of my children, and my desire for passionate learning. The voices of my past education haunt and taunt me. My fears grow and

I am a teacher again. The stakes are a bit higher as I am providing an educational foundation for my children. If I fail this time I will probably be living with roommates the rest of my life, and I really don't want that. I really want my children to have all the tools necessary to jump from the nest and fly to any place they choose. I want the journey to that jumping day to be full of loving memories. I want my children to love learning. I want them to see learning as an adventure as exciting as Star Wars.

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