The season of change

Over the years my relationship to 'change' has evolved. As a young woman I was blessed with two parents and a relatively stable life. As a college student I found a home and stayed in the same school for both undergraduate and graduate work. During my time in graduate school my mother passed away. The ground fell out from beneath me and change became the theme of my life.

Quitting grad school, taking a job, quitting a job, moving to the mountains, traveling overseas, coming home for another job, quitting another job, moving back to the mountains and finally moving to California. One job, another job, a possible career change, deep uncertainty in my direction and feeling adrift in the world. I had become a master of change. I could pick up and set myself down and be comfortable just about anywhere. But comfortable and grounded are two very different things. I was comfortable, but I was not grounded.

One evening reading in a coffee shop in Palo Alto a handsome man sat in the seat next to me. We started to talk and have been talking for the past 14 years. During our courtship there was more change to come as he was shipped overseas in the midst of our love affair. Upon his return we were engaged and after some initial moving and shifting we settled into our current home and have raised our two children here these past 11 years. 

During the past decade we have endured the normal and sometimes intense emotional changes that come with getting married, having children, and coming to terms with your child's educational options. There were rough patches, but we managed them without too much 'change' being required. We have had a stable existence. My family would tell you that I am constantly changing things around on them without permission. I guess old habits die hard. I find change necessary. Maybe it is a therapy in itself. A constant reminder that things change, life changes. Sometimes you get to be in control of the change. And sometimes you don't.

We are comfortable here. We are safe and secure. We are grounded in our relationships with one another. But, I do not think we are grounded in this place. I am not grounded in this place. I feel the need to change. I feel the need to shake off the security blanket we have created and stretch ourselves in new and slightly uncomfortable positions. Change is in the air...